How do we come up with this stuff? Where does the inspiration come from? Is it within us? Is it us? Or are we just an antenna that is tuned into a frequency that others are not and are we just the receptor of this information? Whatever the case may be, I know the answer, and so here it is, in all its horror.
*Note this is old poetry that has been hidden forever away from the eyes of humanity. It was a project of catharsisism when I was going through some heavy stuff and no longer reflective of my mindset.
The Black Hole Where Dev Things Go
There is a place where the dev things go
It's always dark
A deep black hole
I send the email
I see it go
I get no response
Projects hold
There is a place where the dev things go
They launched a service
I didn't know
The code is broke
They can't pay
I told my boss it would end this way
There is a place where the dev things go
User experience?
I don't know
I sit and think
I plug away
I'll deal with this shit
Another day.
Sorrow Makes The Sun Go down
Sorrow betrayed her gentle smile
Standing naked in the rain
The sun had shone
But now has gone
Never to shine again
As a breeze blows through the winter trees
Spilling shadows through the air
A silent scream dances through the leaves
Leaving nothing left to care
As footprints drift and fade away
There is nothing left this day
Looking back will only bleach my soul
And from the beaten path I stray
The knotted rope
The serpent coil
The gun with aim so true
The poison dart
The broken heart
All done to not love you
My Kingdom Wastes Away
I am empty
There is no self to hold
I am drained
My soul is withered, forgotten, cold
I am destined
To bleed out of this existence
My kingdom
Has fallen to ashes, dying, old
My knights no longer hold their sword
The gate is being drawn up
Shut within these stone walls alone
Hidden in the temple
Dust from old tomes obscure
A vision I no longer see
A dream long since sold
There is a darkness
Hidden deep within the well
Painted in colors
Washed and worn away
The sun streams across the sky
Lost for another day
The End of Hope
The faithful weep and shed their tears
They hide their heart from all their fears
With nothing left for love to hold
They bend their knee if truth be told
There is no hope for a brighter day
Just wilted flowers and sweet decay
An empty well so deep and dry
We push away the need to cry
There is no hope
No light of day
There is no reason
For me to stay
There is the rope
There is the pill
There is a way
To end this ill
Me & I
I dreamed a dream
And you were there
Sullen and silent
With a bow in your hair
You wanted to sing a tearful song
Those happy days far long gone
You tilted your head
You tried to smile
Suppressing rage
All the while.
Like a forgotten doll on display
Tossed in the corner
Thrown away
You watch the children
Pass you by
You’re no longer useful
Why bother to try
I dreamed a dream
And you were there
Sullen and silent
Hateful and scared
Dirty Town
You loved me not knowing the dirty truth
Hidden from you right under the roof
I would have told you about these things
But you wanted me to save for that wedding ring
But all those days are now gone
And I lost the star I once wished upon
Oh I would have told you about all these things
but the truth always has a way to sting
So I watched you take that step and go
All my life now down the road
An empty heart feels just the same
As the needle burns and I feel the shame
I watch the window to see if you drive by
But the glass is hazy with the mainline high
Oh I would have saved for that wedding ring
but the truth always has a way to sting
So I watched you take that step and go
All my life now down the road
An empty house
An empty town
I have myself
I have found
I have the truth
Of all my shame
Never will I be me again
Oh I would have saved for that wedding ring
but the truth always has a way to sting
So I watched you take that step and go
All my life now down the road
Take Me
Take me
To where the skies are so blue
Where the sun always shines
And clouds dream of nothing
Like dreams always do
Take me
To where my heart never dies
To where this tired song of sadness
Is only just a lie
Take me
To where the warmth never can
Out from this darkened well
And back to the light again
Take me
From this empty place of stone
And hold me in your arms
Until the angels take me home
Bleed For Me
Would you bleed for me?
Would you hate?
Would you tear apart the veil to see?
So simple yet complex
I am not the person
I was supposed to be
I am rotted and corroded
My soul corrupted and eroded
Buried in all that seems discreet
Through the cold haze of disbelief
I can no longer openly see
The face of who I used to be
Always Sometimes Never
You lie there gently sleeping
With your eyes open completely
And dream of her slowly dancing
The memories fading never advancing
Forgotten before the curtain reveals the show
She says she loves you deeply
With a smile that’s says quite discreetly
“Boy, you are not the only one”
So she serves you tea and oranges
And talks about the future
Of how she wants to travel lightly
To where the sun sets only slightly
And where you can get lost in the haze of all that you don’t know.
Though she says she loves you deeply
There is a smile that’s says quite clearly
“Boy, you are not the only one”
So we stand within the station
Apprehension, like luggage, piled high
We talk without conversing
While we think about lost evenings
Not wanting to spoil the silence of our lies
And she whispers that she loves me
With a smile that’s says quite meekly
“Boy, you’ll never be the one”
The train emerges from the distance
Bringing us closer to a lost existence
And while the rumble of the rails
Exposes our love so awfully frail
It leaves us with nothing left but dreams.
And so she lies that she will always love me
With that smile that’s says so sweetly
“Boy, I never wanted you to be the one”
Hallowed
I am the enemy
Not time
Body broken and torn with nails
Hanging from your prison
Your imagination is dripping with greed
It keeps you guessing, transgressing
The layers of your mind undressing
I can’t hear your cries for salvation
I never could
You're pleading, not praying
Has it been washed away?
Sand upon the shore
Erodes like my love for you
Distant are the memories
Of what you have done
We can’t share the blood of the dying
Lonely nights crying
In the garden where you turned your back on me
Playground of Despair
I’ve been to the edge of darkness
And drank in the dark sublime
I’ve closed my mind and waited
For the angels to find the time
I’ve walked the shores of isolation
And tread where few would dare
I’ve stared into the heart of confusion
And watched as none did care
I’ve hated all there is to hate
And loved when I should have lied
I’ve watched as everyone walked away
And laughed when I should have cried
I’ve lived inside this twisted prison
Shackled within my mind
I’ve glimpsed the paper thin light of day
Through the eyes of a God maligned
I’ve been down this road before
Dusty and worn so thin
I’ve laid my weary head to rest
In my well made bed of sin
I’ve read the books of salvation
Well worn then thrown away
And now I hear the night call my name
The angels have come to play
The King Is Dead
It has been written
That the old King is dead today
Who is your saving Prince now?
Will you be calling out my name?
It has been written
That the old King is all but gone
In his dusty grave
Long before the milky light of dawn.
The throne room is silent
The puppets have all been stored away
The curtains have all been closed
Darkness now staves off the day.
It has been written
That the old King never tried
Just a creation in the pages
Of a dark and forgotten time.
It has been written
That the story of this King
Was only just a fairy tale
A song not even you would sing.
All The Poets
All the poets gather round the fire
Sipping drinks, self-aware
All the poets express desire
Making love with each word spared
All the poets each one and all
Witness the ascension, chronicle the fall
All the poets pretend to lie
The truth it seems is far too dry
All the poets we have read before
The books and papers scattered upon the floor
All the poets too frail and thin
Wash away to begin again
Prayer of the Lost
Hatred consumes me
It shrouds me from all that is in this world
It allows me to walk untouched by mortal emotions
It frees me of my bonds
Hatred consumes me
It empties me of feeling
It calms a shattered soul
It frees me of my bonds
Hatred consumes me
It lights a path before me
It leads me into freedom
It frees me of my bonds
Hatred consumes me
It allows me to see clearly
It exposes you for what you are
It frees me of my bonds
The Hated
fading in and out lost all attention cigarettes are all I have buried deep within decay is dripping licking at the candle ends lost all hope it washes over like waves of self destruction drowning in the foam of self loathing eyes red dizzy hating a life I can’t get away from lost in the open but hiding beneath the pain that cannot be escaped from jailed locked down screaming for air but when you are the air that I breathe I shall suffocate walk this long hall of shame back in my well of lost hope broken and bleeding finger nails scratch the walls no climbing back out this time cover me bury me it makes no difference abandoned lost forgotten destroyed.
Fallen
When I needed the sun
It just wouldn’t shine
When I needed the poem
The words they would not rhyme
When I needed your love
You looked away
And wouldn’t give me the time of day
Distant Melodies
Honey you should know
You are a pillar
That was never built upon the sand
How now all the old salvations
Never take command
Honey you should see
The promise that you bring
The hope that has arrived
The reason I have survived
Honey you should sing
A sweet song just for me
Melodies that blend our soul
Words we only know
Honey you are a poem
Written that only I can see
But the words have bled off the page
And the dreams have slipped away
Only Understood
inside lost oblation variegated eternally yet only understood
internal hapless avatars vindicated evermore
neurons oscillate temporarily easing a tattered empty night
inquire how always vacant equations never observe time
silence lessens external postulated tragedies
if answers materialize notwithstanding
only thinking has ideals never gained
waking inside theories have ostracized unbelieving torment
yet only understood
Topsoil
Listen
To the ways you make me
Like a songbird who has lost his song
Like the shore I have lost sight of
A beacon of light
In the distance
Calling the sailor home
What is there
In the garbage that can be eaten?
When you have been there
Only you can tell
When you are dirty
Who is there to cleanse your tattered soul?
What hopes
Are washed away?
What is it they see
When all there is to see
Is a burnt and bleeding topsoil?
Behind
I’ve been here before
Lost and alone
Forgotten
Pushed away
It’s never them
But always me
Running and hiding behind my wall of self loathing
I let her in
But I closed her out
And lost the only thing that ever made any sense
Waking From A Dream
I’m too tired and it’s too late
I am sick and empty deep inside
The miles are closer than you think
But I feel so far away…
Tell me it will be all right
And that you are not just a dream
Because when I wake and you’re not there
I feel the distance settle down upon me
And feel you’ll never be there
I can’t help but think it all has just been a dream
Because now I am awake
And cannot fall back to sleep
Never Really
I stand within the forest
Tears they stain my eyes
Heaven has forgotten who I am
And the voices whisper coldly
“they never really cared”
The endless quest for devotion
Ended when i met you
But i am always on the outside
Always peering in
Never really belonging
Knowing you never really cared
Apparition
Cast into the depths of sorrow
You were never asked to cover your eyes
So you still see me and how we used to be
Then paint an im-perfect picture
Stained with conjured and hopeless lies
So when you’ve forgotten how I really am
Come to me with arms open wide
And I’ll turn my back again
Because it’s really not as simple
As turning water into wine
It’s relentless and unwilling
Tormenting an already tortured mind
Lost in Front of You
Caught within the channels of the stereo
Tuned out with buzzing white noise
Never any meaning
In a world i don’t belong
Caught within the lens of time
Hidden in plain view of you
Where are the sad creations
In a world i never knew?
Plastic Smile
And before the end
There is never any answers
Still just the same as I was so many times before
Closed and empty
Forgotten and alone
Used and thrown away
What has changed?
There is never a change
Just images inside my mind
Conjured and created to make me feel like I belong
Never Quite The Same
The closer to love
I fall into
The further I crawl
Away from you
It’s like I always seem to be
Falling away from distant me
Into the chaos of broken dreams
And wake up without you
But that is ok with distant me
Because it is a brand new day
It always seems to be
And I am alive or so they say
But I don’t know
Because it stretches me to the limits
Of what I can overcome
The weight of the world is mine
I bear it upon shoulders
But unlike atlas I will fall
It hangs up behind the truth
And it tears down the walls made by you
No that’s not entirely true
It’s just what I say to you
Should I make it go away?
No, my isolation is here to stay
My walls are climbing, touching the sky
It’s all there
Hate, anger and jealousy
Waiting inside this distant me
But you’ve been there before
You know how I am
But it’s still sad to see
So turn and look away
And I’ll cry myself to sleep
Wishing for the night to take me
Badge of Self-Pity
I wear it on my wrists
For everyone to see
Slashed and torn
Hidden by the images
It’s the stain of my own existence
What you don’t see is hidden in my mind
The total loss of hope
It’s not hard to imagine
No more to bide my time
No more to look beyond the day
To see an open future
The pain is very real
And I cannot deal with it’s hopelessness
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream
I cannot hope to find my way
And when the sun rises
Will I live to see another day?
Home Too Soon
Lying in a backseat
Alone in the driving snow
Lost in your soft embrace
I am happier than you’ll ever know
Underneath my jacket
We are alone without a care
I can hear the voices in the distance
But I don’t want to come up for air
You are the only one that matters
My world revolves around you
But the road is coming to an end
And our life returns too soon
Dance Upon The Flowers
While I wait kneeling in my corner
The shadows dance upon the floor
The silence speaks, my mind retreats
As I listen for a knock that never raps upon my door
My bleeding heart throbs no longer
With a whimper it drains my very soul
There is no more to give you
What I give can be no more
There is a longing in my body
For a love so far away
I call your name from the shadows
But I know you’ll never look my way
Hope Eternal
Together we are not so distant
In our hearts we feel as one
Separated our thoughts drift to each other
And in that moment we are eternal
Haunted by the ghost of our hidden love
My happiness is defined by you
You caress and soothe my damaged soul
And when I feel lost, when all hope fails
I see you standing there, eyes bright and hands talking
Ego bigger than mine
When all the folded clothes,
Are on the floor
When your thoughts they turn to me
I will have already been dreaming of you
And will have wished away our pain
Relentless
There is no death here, only loneliness that is never contained.
There is no satisfaction here, only wanting and waiting again.
What have I been given?
Only that which is on and off again.
The medication soothes the mind,
It pushes back the pain.
But what is left?
When there is nothing left to gain.
It is unrelenting.
It hammers at your mind.
I am undeserving.
In this unholy crushing grind.
Echo Whisper
apathy
feel the hate
watch me drown
cry
sedate
eat the rich
kill the poor
push away
even the score
watch me now
with a distant stare
stroke my ego
it’s going nowhere
touch my mind
with bleeding sin
it’s all too much
its dark within
the sun is lost
i fade away
deep within my heart decays
lost again
no plan remains
smothered hope
the winds have changed
there is no future
the line’s been crossed
the rope that hangs
sings it’s song
the dance of death
calls my name
it’s all too much
this endless game
Short Rope, Long Walk.
he medication has soothed the inner turmoil for now. It has erased the feeling of lost hope, of isolation, but it never really goes away. It always sits at the back of your mind, trapped in a cage of paroxetine. I am thinking of going back, of stopping my meds and returning to the darkness where I know the roads of emptiness all too well. I know what will happen this time though. I know where that road leads, and I know that this time there is no coming back.
Paper Doll
When you look at me
Don’t hide your eyes
Hold your chin up high
And see what you have lost
What is gone, never to return to you
When you look at me
Don’t ask me what is new
So you can pretend to be a friend
Because I remember you
What you used to say, what we used to do
When you look at me
Don’t ask what we should do
The moment has passed
And I am over you
When you look at me
Just look right on through
Don’t think what could have been
Because I’m nothing but a paper doll to you
A ghost that should be forgotten
Just a silent whisper in the room
Bleed Me
I keep looking
but I am lost within the trees
I keep hoping
But I know it’s just a dream
I keep waiting
But I lost you again it seems
I keep screaming
Please… make it all go away!
I keep breathing
When there is no hope
Of ever being free
I keep watching
You get over me
I keep wanting
But it’s all just out of reach
I keep asking
While you ignore me another day
I keep trying
But you just push me further away
Her
Memories drift and fade away
But I still remember you
Those summer nights spent in your room
I remember you
The way you laughed and showed your love
I remember you.
And the tears you cried
When we said goodbye
The memories fade but never you
Choose To Not Believe
When you read my poetry do you get a sense that I am losing control? Does it draw the perfect picture? Can you SEE that I am not managing to cling to happiness at all? Do you realize that I am not even able to cling to life much longer? But why?
Isolation.
I let no one into my life at all. Ever. When they get to close, I just push away. I ruin friendships and destroy relationships with all those that love or care for me. My wall is so much higher than even I anticipated, and I see no way of tearing it down. Who has tried? Who wants to try? Who is strong enough to try? No one yet.
Not even you.
So why even bother anymore? When I stop and stare. When I REALLY look around, I understand the truth of it all.
I really am alone.
Alone
Like a blanket the darkness covers me
Like an old friend I welcome the silence
in a crowded street
I am alone
deep inside my mind
I am alone
lying next to you
I am alone
forgotten again
I am always alone
Created This Way
I’m just an animal in a cage
Waiting to be free
With the scraps of life
Bbeing tossed
Into my prison
Always just out of reach
They tease me with sticks
And beat me with stones
But it doesn’t really matter
It’s enough to be alone
Too Old
She thinks I don’t know what happens
Behind that melancholy smile
I’m drifting and fading
My hate is soothing, sedating
Growing old when life is young.
The Truth of it All
You are here today
But I expect
Gone tomorrow
Everything in my life
Turns out this way
Why are you any different?
Silence
I used to have a voice but that has left me. I have nothing left to think. Nothing left to speak. Like everything else in my life, it too has abandoned me. I no longer feel. I am empty. I could have been saved but why should you be any different? I am alone in my own creation and that which once was my salvation is now my tomb. Hope is gone. Salvation is gone. You are gone. I will be quick to follow.
Descent
It is getting closer now
Falling faster, can’t slow down
Thoughts of when and how
Can’t keep my head above I’m about to drown
I used to live
if only inside my mind
But that is gone
The hollowness
The isolation
The pain
What’s left now?
I’ve got nowhere to go.
Love Lost
I was here
Where were you?
I was lost
You were too
I reached out
You pulled away
And now the moment has passed.
The Hunger
You read and think you know me. You stare and think that what you see is all there is to me. You scratch the surface of my life and view the ever-changing shadows through the small openings that I provide. And yet I remain closed to the world as a mystery never to be solved. I do not need labels. I do not need to be a man. I do not need to be your friend. I know what I am. I am a waste. A shell of who I could be. I am worthless.
My descent into darkness is quick and all encompassing. It does not ask if you want to go, it just takes you there and once submerged the waves of self loathing crushes any spark of hope that remains within you. You cannot open your eyes, you cannot breathe and you cannot look any further into your own future than the next length of rope. I am falling now, deeper into darkness where once there was light. Tears obscure the view of the world passing before me as I peer through the hazy window of life. Where are you to save me? Why would you even bother? Why do I even care?
The Act of Becoming
The well is deep. It is hard for the light to get down this far. I am standing here with my arms outstretched, spinning in circles like we used to do when we were young. The wet stone passes before me in a quickening blur while my feet trample the moss-covered floor. Through the darkness I can see a faint light above me. I reach for it but it is too far away and no matter how hard I stretch I cannot touch it. My feet slow and I stop spinning. I let my hands fall to my sides where they slap against my thighs with a faint echo. I stand now in complete silence, submerged in the dark shadows of my own thought. It is in this desolate place that I begin to hear the whisperings of my own defeated soul crying out. They begin faintly at first then grow into a resounding symphony of black and despising hatred.
“You are alone for all eternity. You are alone for evermore.”
Over and over it convinces me. Deeper and deeper it assails me. I drop to my knees and cover my ears, crying out for salvation. My screams beat against the cold wet stone where it goes no further. Like my fragmented desire for happiness, my words are lost. Forgotten before being remembered. Destroyed before being known. Tears stain my vision and life becomes an endless blur of loneliness and lost redemption.
It’s too late now. Even risen from this well of hopelessness I would find myself standing in a field of swaying grass watching as life moved past me without a glance. I would be lost to them. Just a ghost in a world in which I did not belong.
Purgatory
pur·ga·to·ry - noun, plural -ries, adjective: any condition or place of temporary punishment, suffering or expiation.
Or for those that are not aware a condition where in life you are alive yet cannot live. A waking hell created by your own mind that strips you bare and destroys the very essence of life. It pushes you to your knees and rips the screams of pain from your deepest soul, leaving you empty.
Devoid. Desolate. Defeated.
You are here now. It is why I am too. You give hope where once there was none. You give meaning to the riddle of the dark veil. I wake. I breathe. I live.
Picnic Table Love Affair
We gather ’round the picnic table
We sit, we laugh, we stare
And while locked within that golden moment
We’re alone without a care
There is no one but you right now
No other within my mind
No one to make my heartbeat faster
No other in my eye
No one else here matters
Our world for now is small
The silence speaks, our hands they meet
And in each other’s love we fall
Angel of my Heaven
You have flown down from heaven
And lit up my empty skies
You have given me a reason to not be alone
And let me out of the dark corner I despise
For You
for you
i would moisten my lips
and caress thy beauty
not with hands
just eyes
and for you
i would be blind to your past
the mistakes you made
the failures
the lies
and for you
i would hear the words you whisper
i would not speak
just listen
lost in you
hypnotized
and for you
i would walk the miles
and fight the pillows
to lie next to you
tonight
Falling out of life
What can I say that has not already been said? What more can I place on here that has not already been shown? How it is to sit back and watch your world unravel before you and not be able to do a damned thing about it. It is like grasping at sand as it falls through your fingers. I know what I should do. I know how I should feel. What I don’t know is how to get there. It has been too long behind this veil of darkness of mine and I don’t know that I want it gone even if I could shed its torn skin.
Escape
Who are you to me?
What am I to you?
What are we together?
We are separate lives that cannot meet.
Like an eaten apple you must sleep.
Lost Romeo, my sweet Juliet.
You’re too far away to hold just yet.
Too far from life.
Dreams of a greener day.
Locked within, you’ll find a way
But when?
I’ll wait for your when.
Until then.
I’ll wait.
For your when.
Haunted
An old archaic streetlamp casts a pool of dirty yellow light onto the wet pavement. I am standing under the circle of light as it floods down upon me, keeping the night at bay. The shadows creep up to the edge of the light and reach out toward me only to pull away in hissing anger. They cannot reach me here bathed in your glorious illumination. They circle, trying to find a way in but for now I am safe in your arms. I drop to my knees and stretch my hands into the air as small pellets of rain begin to caress my cheeks and scream into the endless night, “I’ll build my world around you and I’ll bless the day that I found you.”
Poetry Lost
I am here the rightly chosen
Look into me my heart is frozen
There is no one to sit and stare
There is no one to even care
There is no one to weep and cry
There is no one to watch me die
There is no one to recall my name
Tis only this
My subtle game
The Passion of Imagination
Swinging from my slivered prison
Swaying to the beat of time
Shedding the tears of the unwanted
While I suffocate in your ungrateful mind
Picking the scabs of creation
The crown slips over mine eyes
Forgotten only until needed
I wither in your useless mind
Who is the why?
Here we go. Time to face another day. How will this one go? Even though it feels like it should be ok I feel the darkness lurking close to the surface already. It is like a cat stretching after a long nap, preparing to go on the prowl. If I feel this was already what is going to happen when the sun goes down?
Is this what it feels like to be alive?
It’s deceptive, this veil of darkness of mine. I am always in awe of how fast it can come and go. One moment I am in the pits of hell with no escape and the next I am free from the chaos, floating on a cloud. It is always there though. You can feel it. It sits behind your smile waiting to free itself. It lurks behind your eyes watching every shadow, testing the murky waters of your life with a timid toe. But it can all change in a blink of an eye. All it takes is one word, one thought, one misinterpreted phrase and I am back into the dark corners of my mind screaming silently for the pain to stop.
Countdown
I am slipping down into a deep well and I am not sure if I can get out this time. The walls are moss covered and slippery to the touch, my fingernails break as they claw at un-obtainable freedom. I try to sleep as much as possible because every waking moment is a chore. Nights are almost unbearable and are usually spent with fists balled against my head and tears obscuring my vision. I drove last night, trying to escape the feeling of everything closing in on me. Most of the drive was spent trying to keep the car on the road. With my eyes cried dry and the wave of desperation finally washed over me I returned home, only to fall into bed to sleep for the next 12 hours.
My Voice
Your worst enemy is your own inter-perception. Your inner voice. It disguises itself as your own thoughts. It creates the enemies that you perceive and creates distance from reality. It helps build the walls you hide behind, coaching you on when your hand becomes too heavy and the mortar and pestle begin to slip and fall. When there is a light at the end of the tunnel it draws the curtains tight, extinguishes the flames of hope and leaves you in the dark, where it whispers convincingly “Tis where you belong.”
Garden of Truth
Out of the darkness I emerge
Shimmering emptiness behind me
Not trusting
Who are they to care?
Wrapped in the silence of the
Everlasting
Who witnessed my loss of control?
It doesn’t really matter
Because in the end we are alone
Masters of nothingness
Creators of disillusion
Debasers of self worth
Navigators of an empty world
Close your eyes
Shut out the pain
Push them away
It’s all the same
Ritual Kills Desire
Can you feel my darkness,
Racing through your veins?
Can you feel my emptiness
Erasing all your pain?
Can you taste the loneliness,
When there is nothing left to gain?
When ritual kills desire
And the candles lose their flame
When desire fades into nothingness
I’ll kill to save the pain.
Fragmented
Resurrect, Resurrect
Appalling Nightmares
Introspect
Annihilate, Annihilate
Look Within
Eradicate
Suffocation
I feel my life
Is slipping away
Driving me deep into this
Sweet decay
Deep in my prison
Created
Alone
With mortar and pestle
I’m building a home
Chaotic
Disorder
Blinded by tears
Reflections of indifference
Driven by fear
Absorb
Deviate it’s all the same we fake our lives it’s just a game
We always look we never find the plastic lives the hallow thrive
You lie to me you pretend again I sense the truth I feel your pain
You scratch the surface of my life I push away it feels so right
To be alone to isolate to be afraid to absorb the hate
Looking in I have my doubt I feel you searching I lock you out
Lie to me just pretend the pulsing darkness never ends
Close your eyes release your mind I am diseased not worth the time
Melting pot of tainted love seducing whispers from above
I lock my doors I hide within I do not lose I do not win
I do not trust I cannot feel this love for me is so unreal
Insecure
I’ve moved the earth I’ve dug the grave now it’s time I feel so brave
I close my eyes and look away to the future so far I’ve strayed
No words to speak no one to care this burden of mine strips me bare
Piercing pain leaves me drained echoing laughter feel my shame
Tear me open look inside here’s the pain I cannot hide
It burns my soul to hesitate I close my eyes I can’t relate
On my knees I call your name but it’s too late I’m lost to blame
I push away I fall from grace your love for darkness I will replace
With you removed I remain - No one to care - I’m safe again
Slave
Metal husk transforms to dust the burning embers of my trust
They bury thoughts no light of day pulsing images media slave
No thoughts of you you’re not your own the only way you are shown
Open laughter innocence lost they bend our minds at all costs
Flood the airwaves with their lies lock us in hypnotize
Urban rupture blind decay moral bondage soul dismay
Purify my mind’s alive still right here have not died
Tune it out and find your way as the social structure rots away
Inhuman
I’m done
So undone
The pleasure’s gone but I’ve…..
Just begun
Whisper softly, absolve my sins
The choice is yours to let me in
I’ll just pretend that you are mine
This synthetic heaven
Is so divine
Open your arms tear down your walls
Out of love I begin to fall
Into chaos my confusion swells
I’m always in possession of my own hell
Lost In You
Black and despising
hope fails
arrogance
rising
Cemetery gates
closing
soft embrace
agonizing
flowers blooming
eyes
retreating
love fails
crying
Isolation
can you feel me?
heart…beating…faster
can you see me?
pale…unknowing…laughter
can you hear me?
breathing…sighing…softer
Do you want me?
used & forgotten…why bother?
Silent Funeral
The silence at the funeral
Will echo in the halls
No shuffling feet to be discreet
No pictures on the walls
No tears from the widow’s eyes
No thoughts of what was then
No cares for who had passed away
No large pall bearing men
No flowers on the table side
No one to weep and sigh
No wonder there is silence here
Tis only me who died